_edited.jpg)
Trust in Counselling: Built on Truth, Not Just What You Want to Hear
When you think about trust, what comes to mind? For many of us, trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship—whether it’s with friends, family, or even a counsellor. It’s the belief that someone will be honest, supportive, and reliable. But here’s the thing: trust isn’t built by simply telling people what they want to hear. In fact, true trust is established by telling the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
In counselling, this principle is especially important. Let’s explore why honesty is key to building trust in the therapy room and how it can lead to deeper healing and growth.
The Comfort of Hearing What You Want to Hear
We’ve all experienced moments when we just wanted someone to agree with us. Whether it’s validation after a tough day or reassurance that our decisions are sound, it’s human nature to crave comfort. This is something many clients bring into counselling, hoping that the therapist will confirm their thoughts or take their side.
But counselling is different from a chat with a friend. While empathy and understanding are critical, a counsellor’s role isn’t to simply nod along and agree with everything a client says. The aim of therapy is to help clients grow, reflect, and heal—sometimes that means gently challenging their perspectives. And that can only happen when the truth is spoken.
Why Truth Matters in Counselling
Building Authentic Trust:
The therapeutic relationship is unique. Clients come to therapy seeking a safe, confidential space where they can be vulnerable. They want to trust that their counsellor will be there for them, without judgment. But this trust isn’t built on a counsellor telling the client what they want to hear; it’s built on honesty.
If a client knows that their counsellor is being genuine, even when it means exploring difficult truths, the relationship deepens. Trust grows from the knowledge that the counsellor is committed to their client’s wellbeing, even if it means having uncomfortable conversations.
Encouraging Growth:
One of the most powerful aspects of therapy is its ability to help clients see things from a different perspective. A counsellor who always agrees or avoids the truth isn’t helping a client grow. In fact, this approach can hold them back.
Imagine a client is making decisions that might not be in their best interest—perhaps they’re staying in a toxic relationship or avoiding addressing past trauma. A counsellor who avoids these difficult topics to keep the session comfortable is ultimately doing the client a disservice. It’s by facing these truths, however painful, that true healing begins.
Providing a Safe Space for Honesty:
Trust goes both ways. Just as a client needs to trust their counsellor, a counsellor also creates a space where the client feels safe enough to be truthful about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. When the counsellor models honesty—whether it’s through sharing observations or gently challenging a client’s narrative—it shows that truth can be handled safely.
Clients often come to counselling feeling confused or overwhelmed by their emotions. They might even be avoiding certain truths in their own lives. A counsellor’s honesty helps to ground the client, showing them that facing the truth is not only possible but necessary for moving forward.
Long-term Healing:
The goal of counselling isn’t to make a client feel good in every session—it’s to facilitate long-term healing and personal growth. Sometimes, that requires sitting with uncomfortable truths and working through them. When a counsellor is honest, it helps the client face these truths, leading to breakthroughs that might not happen otherwise.
By building a relationship based on honesty, the client learns that they can trust the process of therapy, even when it’s challenging. This trust becomes the foundation for the deep, transformative work that counselling can offer.
Compassionate Honesty in the Therapy Room
Now, honesty in counselling doesn’t mean being blunt or harsh. There’s a delicate balance between being truthful and being compassionate. A good counsellor will always aim to deliver truth in a way that’s thoughtful and supportive. This might mean asking open-ended questions to encourage self-reflection or gently highlighting patterns the client might not have noticed.
For example, instead of saying, “You’re making a mistake,” a counsellor might say, “I notice you’ve brought this issue up a few times, and it seems to be causing you distress. What do you think is keeping you stuck in this situation?” This approach invites the client to explore the truth for themselves while feeling supported and understood.
Honesty Strengthens the Therapeutic Alliance
The relationship between a counsellor and client, often referred to as the therapeutic alliance, is key to successful therapy. This alliance is built on trust, and honesty is a vital component. When a client knows that their counsellor is being real with them, it strengthens the bond and creates a partnership where both can work together toward the client’s goals.
Clients come to therapy with a range of emotions, from fear and anger to sadness and confusion. They need to trust that their counsellor will be honest with them—not in a way that feels critical, but in a way that helps them face and navigate their feelings. Over time, this trust builds resilience, as clients learn that they can handle the truth and use it to create meaningful change in their lives.
Trust Built on Truth Transforms Lives
In the world of counselling, telling people what they want to hear might seem like the easy route. But true growth, healing, and trust are built on honesty. When clients can trust their counsellor to be genuine—both in their support and in their honesty—they’re more likely to experience profound transformation.
Trusting the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, allows clients to face difficult emotions, examine unhelpful patterns, and ultimately, find healing. As a qualified counsellor in the UK, I believe that honesty, delivered with compassion, is the key to building the trust that makes real therapeutic progress possible.
If you’re considering counselling and want to embark on a journey of growth rooted in trust and truth, I’m here to walk that path with you—wherever it may lead.
By Anne Walker
September 2024
Ocean Waves Counselling
Based at
Lincoln Counselling Centre